Posted: 4:00 minutes ago for regular, 4:15 ago for plus and 4:35 ago for premium posting time; ask me how to get 10 minutes back on your next storyIRVING, Texas -- Responding to the growing chorus of fed-up politicians and consumers angry about high gasoline prices, on Friday the nation's five largest oil companies slashed prices in half effective immediately. Gas, which averaged $4.10 per gallon for regular unleaded last week, is now holding steady at $2.05 per half-gallon.
"I want people to feel confident that they can buy gas without the psychological burden of common sense telling them that it's too expensive," said Rex W. Tillerson, CEO and chairman of ExxonMobil, the world's largest publicly traded oil company. "These are tough economic times for many, many Americans who aren't me."
One of those Americans, Lech Popinski, Tillerson's personal driver who was recently naturalized, precipitated the change when he mentioned how high gas prices were negatively affecting his family's tight budget.
"I fired him on the spot and turned his family in to Homeland Security," Tillerson explained. "But upon further reflection, I thought, 'He's right. I should do something.'"
After submitting Popinski's termination paperwork to human resources, Tillerson summoned his marketing team and challenged them to come up with a new pricing scheme.
"After crunching the numbers and spelling 'shelloil' and 'bigboobs' upside down on their calculators several times, those guys hit it out of the park," Tillerson said. "People should thank us. I could have gone with Henderson's idea to start charging $8.20 per double gallon."
