Posted: In the same vault where the State of Hawaii is hiding Obama's "long-form" birth certificate, whatever the hell that is
WASHINGTON -- This week marks the one-year anniversary of President Obama's inauguration. As a public service to its readers, the Free-Ass. Editorial Bored has compiled a list of his administration's top 10 accomplishments from its first year in office.
1. Changed political affiliations several times in response to stinging criticism of his spending priorities that included a $787 billion stimulus package and a $1 trillion health care reform bill. In one year's time, he became a socialist, a fascist, a Nazi and then the Joker. His opponents have even started calling him far worse: a Democrat.
2. Bought a dog and played with it.
3. Invented the wildly popular drinking game known as "A Whole Host of ..."
4. As is tradition for every first-year president, he stopped dying his hair to bring about a gravitas-conveying salt-and-pepper look.
5. Proved conclusively that he's a Muslim Manchurian candidate by intentionally botching his swearing in so that it didn't really count.
6. Closed down Guantanamo Bay. Oops, that is from our future column, "Obama: Fourth Year in Review." We regret the error.
7. Repealing George W. Bush's "don't ask/don't tell" policy regarding progress reports from the generals in Iraq.
8. Vowing to enroll the U.S. treasury in a credit counseling program to pay off its debt and get back on the track to financial freedom.
9. Drank beer with a cop, a professor and a vice president at a Washington, D.C.-area Houlihan's to finally end racism once and for all; realized the only person who "acted stupidly" in the situation was Vice President Biden, who took a leak in the Rose Garden after "climbing to the top of the beer summit."
10. Nominated Roseanne Barr to the Supreme Court.
