Posted: One second ago
CHRISTMAS ISLAND (Ironically) -- As a service to our readers, the Free-Ass. Editorial Bored has decided to forgo reviewing the decade of events from 2000-2009. That would take way too long to review. Been there, done that. It took 10 years last time. We don't have that kind of time and neither do you. Instead, we have decided to provide a much more valuable service to our readers and preview the decade from 2010-2019. Since the decade is only one second old, we thought this would be a more achievable task.
Midnight, Jan. 1, 2010: World War III Erupted!
At the stroke of midnight, countries around the world test-fired and exploded thousands of rockets in the air. Some people referred to them as "fireworks." The Free-Ass. Press is a bit more cautious and does not believe these missiles were celebratory. We will refer to them as "flying death machines." The next 10 years will determine who was right. We can already say, however, that the Chinese celebratory flying death machines were by far the prettiest, what with their sparkly pinwheels, occasionally upright smiley faces and multi-colored blooming mushroom-cloud effects.
Feb. 1, 2012: Sci-Fi Geeks Rejoice!
Nerdy Rush fans will come as close as they ever will to being alive in a year that sort of looks like 2112 -- but isn't. They will celebrate with (21) 12-sided die, a Middle Ages battle re-enactment and/or not getting laid.
Jan. 1, 2010: Many People Went to Sleep Early
By the millions, inhabitants of many countries wussed out and went to sleep before midnight. Although this happened last decade, the behavior of these slovenly people continued into the new decade. Most of them will likely wake up, but at the time of printing, they were still asleep. Wusses.
2019: Tiger Woods' Wife Forgives Him, But Not His Money
To continue paying his extravagant divorce costs, Woods gets an idea to host the "Marriage Open." Although a totally inappropriate golf tournament, Woods found the idea funny and chuckled before he returned to crying into his dirty martini. He then regretted that he didn't think of starting the "Open Marriage" tournament back in 2004 instead. Much less expensive. It is also important to note that at midnight every year in this decade, Woods will kiss his lawyer as he continues to kiss his money goodbye.
2010 Y2KX: PCs Crash Again
In the continuing saga of horrible problems with PCs, most all of the PCs in the world crashed at the stroke of midnight because of a Y2KX bug that was not fixed during the Y2K scare 10 years ago. PCs have been crashing every year at midnight and just about every day in between. The only PCs that did not crash were owned by the nerdy Rush fans who have fixed their computer bugs through 2112.
