Posted: by Kenny Loggins in the Danger Zone
ATLANTIC OCEAN, PRESENT DAY -- In an eerie flashback to the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, a low-flying Boeing 747 scared the bejesus out of pedestrians and office workers in Lower Manhattan on Monday before it was revealed the jet was actually President Obama's Air Force One back-up plane.
FAP has obtained an exclusive transcript of radio transmissions between the 747's cockpit and air traffic controllers at New York Center.
"This is Ghost Rider requesting a fly-by," said the pilot, which records indicate was U.S. Air Force Lt. Pete Mitchell, call sign "Maverick."
"Negative. The pattern is full," the air traffic controller responds as the 747 ignores repeated commands to change course.
"No, Mav, this is not a good idea," said a second, unidentified person in the cockpit.
"Sorry, but it's time to buzz the tower," Mitchell then says, in clear violation of USAF rules as the deafening screech of jet engines roared across the New York City skyline at 1,000 feet. Meanwhile, on the ground, people began panicking and running for cover, thinking another terrorist attack was underway. Even worse, the air traffic controller, who was enjoying a hot cup of coffee, spilled the beverage all over himself.
"Godd*mn son of a bitch!" he said.
When briefed about the incident, the president was reportedly furious, according to White House sources who requested anonymity because they weren't authorized to speak to the Free-Ass. Press.
"Look, this rogue pilot's ego is writing checks his body can't cash," Obama said, according to three different aides who were in the room. "I immediately got on the phone with this Mitchell guy and gave him what for. I said, 'You screw up again, and you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong.' I think he got the message."
An FAP investigation reveals that the Lower Manhattan fly-by isn't Lt. Mitchell's first incident. Air Force documents show that Mitchell has lost his qualifications as section leader three times.
One of the guys allegedly searching for our web site.
