Al Sharpton Calls Airplane Black Box "Racist"

Al Sharpton with Ann Coulter proving there's hope for America.

Posted: In the very back row of the airplane cabin

SHERWIN-WILLIAMS, Md. -- In sharp criticism directed at the Federal Aviation Administration, the Rev. Al Sharpton called the use of black-box recording devices on airplanes "racist."

"Why do they have to be black boxes?" said the spokesman for all African-Americans. "Why aren't they African-American boxes? And why are they stuck deep inside the plane like a slave on a ship. Why isn't this glorious Nubian box sitting in first class?"

Lynne Osmus, FAA's acting administrator, said in a written statement, "We call them black boxes because they are painted black."

Although Sharpton admits not knowing the boxes were painted black or that black is an actual pigment used in paints, dyes and other non-skin related colorings, he remained vigilant.

"I hope we can someday live in a world where a box is judged not by the color of its exterior but by the content of its internal tape recorder," he added.

Weatherman Predicts Giant "H" To Hit Nebraska

Posted: Partly posted with a 30-percent chance of spelling errors

LINCOLN, Neb. -- In a surprise announcement that led to a statewide panic, the Weather Channel reported today that a massive capital letter "H" is headed right for the state of Nebraska.

"Our Doppler 12,000 weather prediction system has never been wrong," said Weather Channel spokesperson Bill Filer. "That big letter H is taller than North Dakota and is headed right for Lincoln, Neb. People need to take cover. This is the big mild drier one!"

The Weather Channel has never predicted a letter H of this size or scope. Its current status is a category-14-point Times New Roman which may increase to a category-18-point Hot and Melty font. However, the Weather Channel reports that Nebraska's army reservists are working with the National Guard on a solution.

"They plan to deploy a giant letter 'L' to chase away the 'H'," Filer added.

Obama Official Leaks Leak Before Leak

Rahm Emanuel shares a touching leak with Nancy Pelosi -- perhaps universal health care for puppies.

Posted: In a bipartisan measure meaning two Republicans caved.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a surprising turn of events, an anonymous White House official has pre-emptively leaked a leak prior to its leaking.

The story leaked by the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, was done in advance of a leaking which was to be leaked before an announcement to make a major announcement about a major plan this Thursday.

"This is big. Really big," the official said.

Details of the leak were surprisingly not leaked as the leak was intended to test public opinion about the plan to be announced by an announcement prior to the announcement of the plan.

"So far the American people have responded well and by well, I mean, the idiots aren't paying attention at all," the official said.

"Don't leak that idiots part," Rahm added.