MAINE, Maine -- In a surprising twist of election events, the state of Maine voted to repeal a law that legalized gay marriage in the state. Maine Governor John Baldacci announced the results yesterday in a press conference held outside a Hooters restaurant in Augusta.
"On behalf of the state of Maine, I declare that we don't think there's anything wrong with being gay," said Baldacci. "But we're not gay, OK? So stop asking. Take that s**t to Vermont."
Balducci then stood on top of a table and gave out a giant "Yee-haw!"
"Now one of these wicked hot waitresses needs to bring me some wicked hot wings," he continued. "I'm going to publicly slap her on the ass to overcompensate for how not gay I am."
Maine voters approved gay marriage in May 2009 only to unapprove it last month, which is totally gay. So what changed?
"I have some gay friends on Facebook and didn't want to offend them," Baldacci said. "But then a friend suggested I join the group "Being Gay Is SOOOOO Gay!" and I just couldn't resist. We're all meeting in person soon at an out-of-the-way motel off the interstate next week to talk about it."
Many of Baldacci's friends immediately unfriended him when they saw his Wall.
"I was playing FarmVille when I came to the realization that the institution of marriage had been destroyed," he said. "That's why I'm starting a new online Facebook game called 'Marriage Wars.' Friend me if you want in."
The state government plans to hold counseling sessions for all heterosexual married couples in the state to repair any damage done during the offending six months.
