Posted: Under file: properties: word count:
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a monumental bureaucratic shift, the Pentagon is putting in place all of its systems and documents to fight a new war: the war in Afghanistan. No Pentagon employee is more pissed than Defense Department administrative assistant Dave Olay.
"There are at least 867,000 documents that require me to find/replace 'Iraq' with 'Afghanistan,'" Olay said. "And that's just on the M: drive."
"Christ," he added.
Olay, a new temp from Kelly Services, was recruited to work at the Pentagon after he achieved a near-perfect score on the Microsoft Word skills test. The only question he got wrong was in accepting a deletion from the Bill of Rights using Word's "Track Changes" feature.
"Do you have any idea how many Pentagon employees have no f**king clue how to spell Iraq?," Olay said as he angrily wrote in his journal and ate a cup of Instant Noodles in the Pentagon break room. "I have to cross-check using 'Irak,' 'Iraque,' 'I Rack,' 'Barack' and 'Eye Rock' -- someone even used 'Iraq-tastic' once. What the f**k is that all about?"
When asked about the "new war" in Afghanistan that is now entering its ninth year, President Obama said that the United States is now pursuing a different strategy.
"We want to target the greatest number of correct spellings and try the 'find/replace all' function. We're hoping for 30,000, but we'll take 15."
