Posted: Nowhere near Harvard for once -- sorry, Henry Louis Gates and mouse lab technician guy
BAHSTON -- A Massachusetts man and his friends have been arrested for allegedly plotting a terrorist attack on mall shoppers, peanut butter and a cooking school.
"We simply cannot allow terrorists to target the heart of America -- rich, creamy peanut butter," said Bahston police chief Rahbaht Chowdah.
The alleged terrorists were overheard in a mall food court talking about "blowing up bombs to kill hundreds of capitalists and then drinking the blood of unbelieving decadent American infidels." After a lengthy, totally above-board, non-torturing interrogation that included cookies, milk and naptime, investigators determined that the overheard phrase was actually terrorist code for destroying all of the peanut butter and jelly in the United States.
The same two men, one of whom was a graduate of a phahmacy school here in Bahston, were also overheard talking about "driving a big huge truck full of explosives from Iran including a nuclear bomb if they can get it ready in time." The interrogators later determined that this phrase was code for enrolling in the pastry program at the Cordon Bleu School of Culinary Arts, which coincidentally is conveniently located next to the mall.
Rahn Coopah, defense attorney for the alleged terrorists, released a statement saying that his client is innocent, which is code for, "He's guilty."
