Posted: From the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska
BED SULLIVAN THEATER, N.Y. -- After publicly apologizing to his wife for his string of affairs with staffers, "Late Show" host David Letterman has begun using his broadcast to communicate other information with his wife, who has been ignoring him at home.
"Harry's school lets out early on Friday; I know I said I would pick him up, but something came up -- no, not that," Letterman said, smirking to the camera as Paul Shaffer and the CBS Orchestra punctuated his joke with a rim shot and bass-guitar growl. "Bear with me, folks. This is the only one-on-one time I get with my wife where she isn't hurling canned hams at me. So, Regina, if you can pick him up, I'll go ahead and take care of the shopping this weekend."
"Uh, you guys got any of them mashed potato flakes?" he added in that deep, dumb-guy voice.
Meanwhile, Letterman's former assistant and object of his on-the-side affection, Stephanie Birkitt, is reportedly dating the very chubby and slightly greasy sportscaster Greg Gumbel.
After dating Letterman and then "48 Hours Mystery" producer Robert Halderman, Birkitt has decided to embark on her next conquest.
"Well, I've already torn through the network's news division and late night -- CBS Sports was the next logical choice."
"After that, I'm coming after you, Harry Smith," she said.
