Posted: In Ahmadinejad's bathroom
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates announced in a rushed press conference this morning that NBC not only has the capability but has actually developed a fully functional F-bomb and test-fired it on a very, very small portion of the American public on last night's season premiere of "Saturday Night Live's" 35th season.
"This is the greatest threat yet to America," said comedy and nuclear proliferation expert Rod Torkelson of the Columbus, Ohio, based improv comedy group The IntelliGents. "When HBO got the F-bomb, they caused untold destruction to network TV and its shitty, shitty shows. NBC likely feels threatened and believes the only way to deter cable networks who have more hit shows with less rules is to develop a defensive F-bomb deterrence strategy."
After the unusual joint press conference last Thursday with President Obama, French President Nicolas Sarkozy and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown denouncing Iran's secret nuclear facility, the trio learned of NBC's capabilities. They have since released a joint statement with one word: "Nevermind."
NBC has been test-firing components of the F-bomb for months now airing promos touting SNL's new season with super-hot and super-crazy "actress" Megan Fox as host. The promos used a shorter-range "Frig" or the medium-range "Frickin'."
"That's what tipped us off that they were close to having a fully functional F-bomb," Gates said. "Luckily, the season premiere sucked and no one was watching. We got lucky -- this time."
