The Free-Ass. Editorial Bored is taking a Long-Ass. Weekend, so we'll be running two of our favorite stories from recent weeks today and Monday. Enjoy the holiday, and we'll see you next week! This story originally ran on Aug. 14. Peace out.
Posted: Higher and deeper
WASILLY, Alaska -- In yet another confirmation of Sarah Palin's special brand of crazy, she held a press conference yesterday to comment further about what she has dubbed "President Obama's Death Panel."
"In the interest of bipartisanship, I fully support President Obama's marauding death squad, but let me clarify: I am only in support of them making end-of-life decisions about fetuses that are pro-choice and/or liberals." Palin spoke against a backdrop of Esikmos clubbing baby seals for sport.
"Those fetuses that are pro-life should get tax breaks and health care from the time they are blastocyst-people forward," she said.
Palin did not clarify that the language in the bill related to what she called "The Psycho Serial-Killing Legion of Doom" are actually voluntary counseling sessions endorsed by the American Medical Association as well as aromatherapy, a fully funded senior citizens' day at the Color Me Mine pottery studio and an end-of-lifetime supply of Werther's Original Old-Fashioned caramel candies.
"They will slit your throat with broken dishes and then dump you in a mass grave next to your unborn oocyte who just wanted to keep the coverage it had," Palin said. "Under our plan -- wait, we don't have a plan. Nevermind."
