Posted: On our face, which surely shows it
CHICAGO -- In a surprising display of civil disobedience, Randy Stine, a North Side bartender, had a great day until the Chicago Police Department arrested him while he was walking down the street when he was headed home after a long night serving douchebags Red Bull and vodka at Hi-Tops.
"My client was arrested for being aware of his elation and not expressing it through hand-on-hand sonorisms," said Travis Bertz, Stine's attorney, at an afternoon press conference. "How could these police officers ignore the fact that he was on the 'stamp your feet' part of the song -- or the fact that this is America? More like Barack Hussein Obama's America."
Chicago, hometown of the 44th president, has an unusual city ordinance that stipulates that any citizen who has above-average feelings and self-awareness must clap their hands loudly. Citizens who do not clap their hands are subject to fines, jail time and/or community service being a seat-filler at an awards banquet.
"We are currently working on a plea bargain to reduce the charge to melancholy with a suspended sentence for time clapped," Bertz added.
