George Clooney, attached to star in "Dark Tunnel Returns II"
Posted: On the canary pages. Please disregard the salmon changes from yesterday.
TORA BORA, CAVE -- In a surprising video release, Al Qaeda has marked the anniversary of 9/22 with a new 106-minute video message called, "The West ... and the Dark Tunnel."
The straight-to-video release follows the continuing story of 300 million people in the United States and their journey toward a large non-descript hole. Assistant Director, lead actor and Line Producer Ayman Al-Zawahiri also included DVD extras like a director's commentary, hilarious out-takes, and two job announcements.
"Well, the film was a bit long and the story was hard to follow with so many million main characters," said al-Zawahiri in his commentary. "My lighting was kinda flat too. And don't even get me started on our location scout. That guy is out of here on our next James Cameron-length effort."
Al-Qaeda is seeking a video editor and best boy to help with their blockbuster sequel, "The West ... and the Dark Tunnel Returns II." Prior experience a plus. No satellite phone calls please.
When asked why the film was not released on 9/11 as originally intended, al-Zawahiri commented, "Our development execs wanted one more punch-up and a happier ending. Assholes. It was perfect the way it was. F**king perfect, praise Allah."
"That's the last time I do a film without final cut," he added.
