Posted: The first Tuesday after the start of silly season.
PITTSBURGH -- Americans across the country are shouting down their senators and representatives holding town hall meetings about health care. A new study from the Center for Town Hallology and Health Careisms at the University of Northern Illinois, South Campus, found that 99% of Americans support health care reform, whereas 87% of Americans simply hate town hall meetings and will shout it at anyone who will listen.
"Senator Specter! I hate what you're doing. It's un-American! To bog down this wonderful legislation no one but Chuck Norris has read with a gosh darn town hall meeting?," asked Nashua, N.H., resident Bob Dobolina. "Do you know how long I waited in line to get into this god-forsaken event? F**k!"
Hayden Callaghan, a high-school Spanish teacher, shouted, "The constitution provides for freedom of speech! It also provides for freedom from speech! You can hold as many town hall meetings as you want, but I'm not gonna say a goddamn thing, you Republican traitor! I'm just gonna sit here and keep my mouth shut!" Callaghan then wrote "flag@whitehouse.gov" on a piece of tape, covered his mouth, took a picture and then made it his profile picture on Facebook.
Many of the crowd comments were followed by obnoxious clapping and calls for President Obama's birth certificate and parking validation.
"I'm mad as a hatter! I have no idea where I am, but I sure as hell don't want to be in a town hall meeting!" said Mildred Mabel Pearl Higgins. "Now where is my money? I was told I would be paid for showing up and complaining."
