SILICONE VALLEY -- In a surprise appearance today from his driveway, Steve Jobs announced the release of the brand new 80-gigabyte solid-state iLiver.
"I am the test patient," Jobs said as he rocked out to a 6,000-song playlist mix of '80s music that simultaneously secretes bile. "It requires no headphones, the click-wheel has been replaced by my belly button and to charge it, all you need to do is take heavy, heavy doses of corticosteroids -- or stick your finger in an electrical socket."
Reviews of the new technology have been mixed as many of the technophile reviewers prefer their own liver to one Steve Jobs sells them.
"I don't think he has all the bugs worked out yet," said Mike Chang, an avid Apple early adopter who lives in Seattle. "We all know how the iPancreas went over." Still, Jobs has faith.
"Don't get me wrong: The pain is f**king unbearable, but for 80 gigs of memory? I can store my entire catalog of Rush, Yes and Kiss albums. That's pretty amazing," he said.
"And lame," Chang added.
