The Obama-McCain marriage before Prop 8.Posted: In a California voting booth in both English and Spanish
SACRAMENTO, Calif. -- In the wake of the California Supreme Court ruling that upheld Proposition 8 banning gay marriage, the Free-Ass. Press has received from an anonymous source with a thick Austrian accent the language of the California General Assembly's response, a resolution called Proposition 9. Below is Prop 9 in its full, unedited form.
Whereas, you live in California and you are a closed-minded f**k;
Whereas, your need to needle in the lives of others borders on the maniacal;
Whereas, gay marriage isn't ruining your marriage, that would be you;
Whereas, your children won't get confused and they already think you are lame;
Whereas, gay people won't stop being gay just like you won't stop eating Lean Cuisine and driving an SUV because you 'have two big dogs that love the dog park;'
Whereas, rainbow flags are not on display because people like rainbows;
Whereas, visiting someone in the hospital or making a will seems OK even if someone is gay;
Whereas, separate but equal is not equal;
Whereas, you love gay people on TV, especially Ellen DeGeneres and that Jack guy from "Will & Grace" and most of the guys on "American Idol," including Adam Lam-bear;
Whereas, you think slavery is wrong, women voting is cool and you voted for the first black president;
Whereas, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Maine, Iowa and Vermont allow gay marriage;
Whereas, you saw the movie, "Milk" with Sean Penn because you still love "Fast Times at Ridgemont High;"
Whereas, I've never understood this whole 'whereas' thing in declarations like this.
Whereas, Larry and Craig deserve to be together.
Therefore, we think it's totally gay that the California Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8.
