Part 3 in our series, "WAR! On Money!"Posted: On the three of hearts. Is that your card? (Applause)
LAS VEGAS -- In a major press conference today, illusionist David Copperfield announced that the downturn of the economy was not due to America's banks and citizens being unscrupulously over-leveraged in the financial markets, but rather because he had made the economy disappear six months ago.
"I needed to do something big to get my career back on track," Copperfield said as he waved his creepy hands mysteriously while rock music that was arguably not at all rock music blared in the background. "In a Vegas show, you can only walk through the Great Wall of Slots so many times before it gets boring."
"The Grand Economic Illusion" is part of Copperfield's new Branson act. In it, he makes $10 trillion of shareholder wealth disappear using an elaborate system of smoke, mirrors and pulleys. He then saws the Dow Jones Industrial Average in half and, as a finale, has several doves fly out of Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke's closely cropped beard.
The show, "Invest in Copperfield," will air on a little-watched one-hour block of paid programming he purchased on the Country Music Television (CMT) cable channel between 3 and 4 a.m. Sponsors will include Cash4Gold.com, "The Snuggie" and the f**king annoying pirate musicians from freecreditreport.com.
