Posted: A decade too lateWASHINGTON, D.C. -- Citing the federal government's unwillingness to negotiate in good faith for $25 billion of free money, the CEOs of the nation's "Big Three" automakers voted unanimously today to strike.
The car industry veterans had planned to stage a walkout and form a picket line in front of their respective headquarters in Detroit. Their doctors, however, recommended against obese middle-aged men from walking too much. Instead, each CEO rode in a separate private corporate jet that flew in circles around Detroit.
"2-4-6-8: Give us money! We can't wait! ... to blow it," said Alan Mullaly, CEO of Ford, talking on a conference call via satellite phone with the other jets.
"Waitress, another Dewar's, neat, and keep 'em coming," he added.
"For too long now, we have been forced to eat in decadent executive dining rooms, fly private jets and produce obnoxiously large, fuel-inefficient cars that no one wants to buy," said Rick Wagoner, GM's CEO, in prepared testimony before Congress. "No more. As of midnight on Dec. 31, we will cease operations indefinitely. That'll learn 'em."
Among the many complaints executives issued was the inability to earn a living wage, the crushing cost of health care and unreasonable financial demands from Congress, like profitability, accountability -- and ability in general.
