Posted: Two minutes after my 700 minute limit, so I had to pay like a buck fifty to post this. F**k!ATLANTA -- In a bold move to jump-start its profit forecast amid a slowing economy, telecommunications giant AT&T announced today that it has copyrighted the word "hello." CEO Randall Stephenson made the announcement via teleconference today.
"Hello," he said to a smattering of return hellos among reporters. "We just made half a million dollars. Thank you."
Stephenson continued to say hello and calculate profits for approximately one half-hour before reporters started filing out of the room. However, shares of AT&T dropped $1.14 on the news that rival telecommunication companies had made similar announcements.
Trying to corner the college-age demographic, Sprint copyrighted the greeting, "T'sup"; Verizon made a more marketing-savvy move by copyrighting the phrase, "Can you hear me now?" which, ironically, people only say if they are having trouble with their cell-phone reception; and in a direct response to Verizon, Amp'd Mobile copyrighted the phrase, "Yes, I can f**king hear you fine. Stop asking, a**hole."
Not to be outdone by these young whippersnappers, Jitterbug captured the elderly demographic by copyrighting, "I can't tell if it's ringing or not. What do you mean, 'Hit talk?' Hello? Mabel?"
Guess what? Monday begins two full Free-Ass. weeks of (Great) Wall to (Great) Wall coverage of the Summer Games.
