Posted: In docking bay 94PIPE DREAM, Ariz. -- While Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama campaigned together last Friday in Unity, N.H., Republican presidential nominee John McCain unveiled his new plan to save the Earth from global warming in Pipe Dream, Ariz.
"My friends, my pragmatic, realistic, bipartisan plan is to relocate all Americans away from planet Earth by the end of 2011 once we build a fully operational, planet-sized battle station with a kick-ass laser to kill terrorists, planets and/or terrorist planets."
At a press event later that afternoon, an FAP reporter asked McCain how he plans to get all U.S. residents to the Death Star in an efficient manner. McCain waved his hand and said, "These aren't the answers you're looking for. Move along, you little jerk!"
McCain's plan also promises a sound intergalactic social security plan, free trade with Mars and free health care which includes immunizations from a floating round robot with a syringe.
"If I lose this election," McCain added, "I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."
