A Chinese farmer shows off his ass-shaped watermelon. Boob shaped melons are also for sale in assorted sizes.Posted: Wait, what was that headline?!?!
LUBBOCK, Texas -- Researchers at Texas A&M's Fornication Analysis Project (FAP) have discovered that watermelons contain arginine, a key ingredient that has the same effect on the body as the drug Sildenafil, more commonly known as Viagra.
"I've been f**king watermelons for years," said Dr. Derek Miller, the FAP's executive director. "But I never really thought about why. It just always felt really good. Maybe it was the seeds; maybe the pulpy rind. I needed answers -- and a Kleenex."
Miller's team found that in order to get the Viagra effect, a person would need to f**k more than 6 cups of watermelon in one sitting. The only problem is that watermelon is also a diuretic.
"It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place -- literally. It's either whiz or jizz, and that just isn't a choice any man should have to make, especially when the captain is saluting like it's Independence Day. Peeing in that condition is the worst."
Dr. Miller is currently planning a civil union ceremony with an 8-pound seedless yellow honeyheart melon in August.
