Pictured at right: The George W. Bush appointee/look-alike who thought of the brilliant idea.Posted: In T-minus five, four, three, two, one
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. -- With fuel prices in the U.S. now averaging $4.07 per gallon and climbing, no one has been harder hit than NASA astronauts. To lessen that impact, NASA has announced that it will now allow its non-essential astronauts to telecommute.
"We were seeing a steady exodus of astronauts leaving the space program for jobs where they can earn $10,000 a month working at home in their underwear," said NASA Administrator Michael Griffin. "There were just too many yellow signs nailed to telephone poles near the base. Way too many."
Although it looks very cool, driving the Space Shuttle will cost you. The shuttle burns 540,000 gallons of fuel just to go 200 miles, costing $2,197,800 to fill the tank. If you rent the Shuttle from Hertz, that jumps to $3,421,675. That's roughly 3.7037 x 10-4 miles per gallon, which ranks just slightly more fuel-efficient than the Hummer H2, which gets 3.7036 x 10-4 mpg.
"I mortgaged my house twice for our last trip -- twice!" said Cmdr. Kenneth Ham, pilot of STS-124, the Space Shuttle's most recent flight. "Why would I do that again when I can work from home and wear my favorite, 'One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor' shirt?"
When asked how an astronaut telecommutes to work, Griffin said, "It's easy: Google Universe. You just zoom way in at whatever you want to look at. It's kinda pixelated, but no one knows what the f**k that stuff looks like anyway. Then, I do all my hands-on experiments in the bathtub."
Astronauts who still ride the Shuttle, though, say it's worth the high fuel cost.
"I've got three words for you: Chick. Mag. Net," said Capt. Brent W. Jett, Jr., commander of STS-115.
NASA is now attempting to engineer a more fuel-efficient vehicle for when they retire the Space Shuttle program in 2010. Currently, NERF and Estes are vying for a multibillion dollar contract to create a 50-foot-tall version of the foot-pump rocket.
