Posted: On the NYMEXRIYADH, Saudi Arabia -- President Bush was laughed out of Saudi Arabia earlier this week after he warned the Saudis they were running out of oil. The price of a barrel of oil immediately spiked again on the prospect that prices were going to spike again, causing a spike in speculators speculating that the price of oil will spike again.
"I tried to fill my gas tank after it was already full because I know I'll need more gas soon," said Jim Gregson, a Chicago taxi driver. "Most of it spilled on the ground, but for the first time, I think I topped it off really well." Inexplicably, several asshole Hummer owners cheered at the idea of skyrocketing gas prices.
"We bought these huge vehicles because we love to pay for gas," said B.J. Johnson, a tanning salon owner and personal trainer from Louisville, Ky., who then chugged a Red Bull after kissing his overtanned bicep. "If we don't buy gas, the terrorists win." Johnson then threatened to kick this reporter's ass when he was informed that the truth is, in fact, the exact opposite of that.
"Well, if you don't get out of here, then I win," Johnson continued. "How's that sound?"
