Posted: After a round of head gamesWASHINGTON D.C. -- Amid a growing chorus from true rock fans who hate power ballads, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security this week began formal deportation proceedings against the 15 current and former members of 1970s rock band Foreigner.
"I don't understand," said Lou Gramm, the band's original vocalist, who left the group in 2003 to actively pursue failure with uninteresting solo projects. "We're an American band."
"Grand Funk Railroad is an American band,” said Michael Chertoff, secretary of Homeland Security. “Foreigner is named Foreigner. Americans need protection from these hot-blooded bands of musical terrorists."
When asked where the band was being deported to, Chertoff said, "Back to Foreignerterroristlandistan -- where they belong.” According to Google Earth, Foreignerterroristlandistan is located midway between East Bumblef**k and South Jesus.
The initial raid, carried out by a team of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents at a small, unremodeled Holiday Inn in Moline, Ill., netted Foreigner's six current members: Mick Jones, Jeff Jacobs, Tom Gimbel, Kelly Hansen, Jason Bonham and Jeff Pilson. Pilson faces extra charges for having played bass with Dokken and Dio in the 1980s.
This raid was noteworthy for preventing what could have been a devastatingly unsuccessful tour on the homeland.
