To ask your questions frequently, send them to freeasspress@gmail.com.
What is the Free-Ass. Press?
FAP is a daily news satire Web site. We strive to bring you stories that are smart, funny and that usually contain a heavy dose of truth. We never apologize for our content except when we do -- and only then do we do so with that can-do, solidly-remorseful-yet-not, pass-the-buck attitude.
Who the f**k are you?
The Who also asked this question. They really wanted to know, and we didn't tell them either. FAP chooses to remain anonymous in its reporting. However, we have an extensive staff working around the clock to make sure that everything we do is half-assed, on the cheap and last-minute.
Why are all of your stories "posted" at the wrong time?
Occasionally, even we make mistakes. We correct all errors once a month in our "Free-Ass. Corrections" series. Sorry, that was the wrong link. This is the right one. FAP regrets the error.
Does anybody or anything famous endorse you?
We have a number of wonderful things that people say about us, but these are usually self-aggrandizing, ridiculous lovefests, such as the time the Free-Ass. Press...
-Hit #1 in All Topics on Digg.com
-Was posted by the New York Times
Here also are some of the funny comments from people who aren't in love with the Free-Ass. Press courtesy of digg.com.
"Man, I am so on the fence about freeasspress. On the one hand, It has mildly humorous points, but then on the other hand, it is just so lame."
-- Asskicker32
"This is not funny. THIS IS SICK!"
-- Waggdogg
"Totally fucking gay. Buried. Keeeeeyyyrist these articles are getting shittier and shittier."
-- BannedTwice
"American 'humour' is not funny."
-- Antechinus from Australia
I hate you. You're just Onion wannabes.
Although this comment is frequent, it is not technically a question. We don't disparage The Onion the way apparently anyone who has a digg account does. They write brilliant stuff. People were actually born with the capacity to enjoy more than one Web site and co-exist in the same genre. Did you know there are literally several rock bands? Crazy, we know. Here are some other comedy sites you might enjoy:
The Onion
Bludge Report
Cracked
The Skwib Carnival of Satire
Also see:
-- CNN's FAQ: "I hate you. Wolf Blitzer is just a Charles Gibson wannabe."
-- ABC's FAQ: "I hate you. Charles Gibson is just a Brian Williams wannabe."
-- CBS's FAQ: "I hate you. I wish Katie Couric wanted to be somebody else."
Could you guys be bigger stooges for Barack Obama?
Yes. Please donate $2,300 at barackobama.com right away.
If you're so funny, why don't you have jobs writing for "Weekend Update," "The Daily Show" or "The Colbert Report"? Hacks.
That's none of your business, unless you happen to be a producer or show runner for one of those shows. In that case, we would love to share with you, in person, why we could make an outstanding asset to your team, bringing strategic synergies and coffee to the table.
The Free-Ass. Press is represented by Adam Martin at United Agents:
amartin@unitedagents.co.uk
